When you fell in love and started a relationship, you probably made promises to each other. And if you have kept the most important of these, to remain faithfull, but find that your partner has had an affair, it can be devastating. The feelings of betrayal run deep and can feel like your life has been turned inside out like a sock.. If you are now trying to heal your relatiionship, you may wonder how, if ever, you can regain the trust you once had. You may fond the need to talk about what happened with your partner and they may be defensive, and sending you the message, "when will you forgive me, let this go and trust me again? Can't we move on?"
The problem is that the needs of the one who has been unfaithful and the needs of the wounded spouse can seem at odds. How do you work your way through this maze?
One thing to keep in mind is that the trust you need to find may be trusting yourself again, trusting your intuition, trusting to know if you can intuit what is going on in your relationship in the future. Perhaps you feel your ability to trust anyone, including yourself has been damaged
In couples counseling, I help couples learn how to communicate the pain of the situation without getting into a power struggle. How to convey your feelings and ask for the information you need to heal without having your partner, shut down on you. Realize that many, many, people have been in your shoes and it is possible to heal the relationship. Changes in how you communicate can help the healing procss and make the relationship better than before. Truly! Learning how to communicate and set boundaries can help your restore trust in yourself and affair proof your marriage... IF both partners are willing to do the work, which doesn't have to be a reliving of the pain over and over again!
Call today if you'd like to find out more, or to make an appointment. Relationships can survive and thrive if the right steps are taken to reformulate your relationship!
In the meantime, remember your feelings are understandable and normal in your situaation. Try not to unload on family now, as later you may have forgiven your partner, but your family may not!!
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